How the People Around Us Quietly Shape Our Lives (More Than We Realise)

By Simon Ward

I believe it's vital to understand just how deeply our actions can transform the lives of others. Most of the time, we don't even realise it's happening. A simple introduction, a conversation at the right moment, or a decision we make without thinking too much about it can set off a chain reaction that ripples outward for years — sometimes for generations.

When we meet someone new and befriend them, or when we introduce one friend to another, we create the possibility for new bonds to form. Those relationships might turn into lifelong friendships. Some become romantic relationships. Some evolve into marriages and families. And all of those lives — the partners, the children, the memories — might never have existed if we hadn't stepped in, even casually, to connect two people who might never have met otherwise.

I often think about how many lives are quietly shaped because of one person's influence. It doesn't matter whether we're aware of it or not — every connection we make is part of a larger story. And sometimes that story is bigger than anything we could have written ourselves.

When You Move Abroad, You Don’t Just Change Your Life — You Change Other People’s Lives Too

For anyone who has ever packed up their life and moved to another country, you'll know how deeply that one choice affects everything that follows. What many people don't realise is how much it affects the people around them as well.

You might move abroad to work, to escape, to try something new, or simply because life nudged you in that direction. But once you get there, you start creating opportunities — sometimes without meaning to.

Maybe you opened a business and hired people from back home. Maybe you invited musicians, bartenders, chefs, or old friends to come work with you for a season or for a few years. You might have offered them a chance they never would have had otherwise — a chance to travel, a chance to start fresh, a chance to live a life they never imagined for themselves.

Those people then entered the expat community. They made new friends. They found relationships. Some even found love that turned into weddings, families, and whole new lives in a place they never expected to call home.

And all of that — all of those relationships, all of those lives — came from one moment of opportunity that you unknowingly created simply by making a choice for yourself.

I Know This Because It Happened to Me

This isn't a hypothetical idea. It's not something I read in a book or picked up from a motivational speaker. It's all a true story. It all happened to me.

I didn't get to where I am on my own. I was guided — sometimes gently, sometimes forcefully — by the people around me. By friends, by family, by colleagues, even by strangers I only crossed paths with for a short time. Every one of them played a role.

If those people hadn't been there, my life would be completely different. I wouldn't have met the people I met. I wouldn't have ended up in the places I lived. I wouldn't have made the choices I made, good or bad. And the people who crossed my path wouldn't have had the opportunities that came because of those choices either.

It's strange to think about how interconnected we all are until you step back and look at the bigger picture. When you do, you start seeing how many threads of your life were woven by someone else's hands.

Regrets, Missed Chances, and the Weight of “What Could Have Been”

I'm not going to pretend I've lived a perfect life. Like anyone else, I have regrets — and I feel them deeply sometimes.

I missed opportunities that still bother me today.

I screwed up things I wish I could go back in time to fix.

I didn't get the chance to say a final goodbye to someone who meant a lot to me.

I chose the wrong job once or twice.

I didn't put enough effort into school at times.

Some people say these things are out of our control. They say fate decides, or life decides, or that things happen for a reason. I don't always agree with that.

I think many of those choices — even the bad ones — were influenced by the people around me. Not because they controlled me, but because we're all shaped by our environment. We absorb ideas from others. We take advice. We follow someone's example. We get caught up in someone else's energy, someone else's dream, someone else's struggle.

Most of our biggest mistakes weren't made alone. And neither were our biggest successes.

The Butterfly Effect in Everyday Life

There's a term for this: the butterfly effect — the idea that one small action can trigger massive changes over time.

In movies, it's dramatic. In real life, it's subtle, slow, and incredibly personal.

• Introducing two friends who end up marrying each other.
• Moving to another country and accidentally building a community.
• Giving someone a job that alters the direction of their entire life.
• Saying something small that someone else never forgets.
• Helping someone at their lowest moment.
• Choosing a path others decide to follow later.

We don't usually get to see the full results. But they're happening, constantly, even now.

Maybe You’ve Changed More Lives Than You Know

One of the most surprising things I've learned is this:

You just have to be present. You have to be kind. You have to make decisions that feel right. You have to be willing to connect with people.

Those small moments — the ones we barely remember — sometimes become turning points for someone else.

Maybe someone moved abroad because you inspired them.

Maybe someone fell in love because you introduced them.

Maybe someone found confidence because of something you said.

Maybe someone avoided a mistake because of your example.

Maybe someone is who they are today because you crossed their path at the right time.

We’re All Part of Each Other’s Story

I've reached a point in life where I can look back and clearly see the patterns. I can see who influenced me. I can see when I influenced others. I can see how one decision led to another — how one conversation became a turning point — how one person entering my life changed everything that followed.

Some of those moments were beautiful.

Some were painful.

Some were confusing at the time but make perfect sense now.

And I've realised something important:

And in return, we guide other people too — often without knowing it.

Maybe the Best We Can Do Is Try to Be the “Good Influence”

Life is unpredictable. We're all trying to figure it out as we go. But if our choices affect other people — and they do — then maybe the best thing we can do is aim to be the kind of influence we wish we had ourselves.

• Be generous with your opportunities.
• Be kind with your words.
• Be open to people who cross your path.
• Be aware that your actions matter.

Because years from now, you might look back and realise that you helped build relationships, families, careers, and memories that wouldn't exist without you. And that's a powerful thing.

So think about the people in your life right now — friends, colleagues, strangers you've just met. You don't know it yet, but you might be playing a bigger role in their story than you realise.

And they might be quietly shaping yours too.